There are important reasons why your spouse should be your first priority, even before your children. That doesn’t mean you don’t love your children; it means you love them enough to keep your priorities in the right order.
There is a natural order in marriage. It begins with two people falling in love, believing that they are the most important person in the world to each other. As children come along they need to be cherished and loved but never more than your spouse. Then when they’re grown and gone, it’s back to just two people again. When these two remain in love, it provides a stability and a legacy for the children, no matter their age.
- The four key reasons
#1. Your children need to see how marriage works: If you push your spouse down on your list of priorities, your children will believe that marriage isn’t all that important. On the other hand, if they see you honoring your spouse with that number one spot, they will feel a love and security that can come in no other way.
A young adult shared the following experience. She said, “When I was little I used to ask my mom who she loved the most, me or Dad. She always said, “Dad.” I asked him the same question, and he answered “Mom.” Of course, I knew they loved me, but I was always a little disappointed that they didn’t say they loved me the most. A few years later I asked them again and the answer they gave showed me on top, at last. They said they loved me the most. The funny thing is, it didn’t feel so good after all. It wasn’t the feeling I was expecting. I liked it better when they said they loved each other the most.” A few years later they were divorced. She said, “They needed to keep loving each other the most, then I might still have a mom and dad together. It’s sad.”
Twin college coeds were counseling their younger sisters about what to look for in their future husband. They wrote: “Tonight when Dad comes home from work or meetings, listen to the first words he’ll say when he walks in the door: ‘Where’s my beautiful wife?’ Then watch as he searches the house to find her, just so he can kiss her to let her know he loves her. Notice how he’ll start helping with whatever he can right away, and how he makes every one of you feel so important as he asks about your day.”
Putting your spouse first does not diminish the love your children feel from you. It enhances it as long as you show love to them as well.
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