Firstly, yes, sure. Cheating is morally wrong, etc. If you love someone, you wouldn’t cheat on them. I get it. Why are you even in a relationship if you’re cheating? Why would you hurt someone you love?
Now that that’s out of the way and you’re still here, we can get down to business. Whether you’re cheating because you’re bored, you’re unhappy or you’re just drunk, I am not here to judge you. I’m here to help you get away with it.
And, sure, I’ve been cheated on. The delicious, karmic cycle of modern-day dating has probably brought a whole host of retribution to my door. But, hey, I dish it out so I choose to take it.
Cheating isn’t for everyone. No, it’s not a joke, I mean that. Some people aren’t made to weather guilt; some people are really, really bad at lying; some people collapse under the pressure of lies faster than a house of cards in gale-force winds.
And why push yourself to do something that tears you apart inside? Don’t cheat if you don’t want to. No one here wants your relationship to fall apart especially if you don’t. Stay faithful if you want to. That’s fucking beautiful. I’m into that.
Now, if you do choose to cheat, please don’t be an idiot. You’re only going to hurt everyone a million times more if you’re not careful in your actions. No one likes getting cheated on; the fewer people who find out, the fewer people who get hurt.
I’ve cheated because I was bored, because I was drunk, because I was angry, because I wanted to. I’ve cheated as a result of a bad relationship and I’ve cheated in spite of a good one.
No, I’m not what you’d call a good person, but I’ve never been caught. (Knock on wood.) So you can take some of my advice to heart.
I’m not encouraging you to cheat, but if you do choose to, please don’t be an idiot and follow these basic rules:
#1. Change your side piece’s name in your phone. It should be a variation of one of your friends or someone your SO won’t think too much of. This person should text you fairly regularly anyway. Generally, I find this more helpful when the friend is not a member of the sex you’re attracted to.
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