It might have been a huge blow-up where you and your partner both said awful, hurtful words. It could have been a slow-building tension that brought coldness and distance.
The effects are the same… your relationship feels like it has collapsed.
The strong foundation of trust, communication, respect and even love has been shaken and maybe feels destroyed. You’re wondering if it is even possible for you two to repair the damage and rebuild your connection.
A relationship collapse can be precipitated by infidelity, jealousy, mistrust, flirting, anger and resentment, unresolved disagreements and more.
You might be very upset, not sleeping or eating well and fearful about your future. You may also be feeling justified about what you’ve said or done. After all, your partner did something awful!
When your relationship is falling apart, try this:
#1. Be honest with yourself about what happened. The first thing we recommend you do after a relationship collapse is to assess the state of your relationship. If your mind is racing ahead to what you think the future might hold or to what you guess your partner will do next, stop.
If you’re replaying in your mind your version of what went down between you two, stop. Slow down your thinking and, instead, get very clear about literally what happened.
This is going to be your biased perspective, so be as choosy as you can about what you believe is true. Think about what was actually said and the actions that really happened.
Go with observations and verifiable information when at all possible.
If, for example, you’re “sure” about your partner’s intentions or even feelings, ask yourself if you really know this. Keep returning to what was said, what was done, and how you feel about it.
This is a time to know, with as much certainty as you can, the place where you stand.
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